Out to Get Me - Bolt Story, Part One
06-25-02, 04:11 AM
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SPORKY
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Out to Get Me - Bolt Story, Part One
It was an average, normal, typical, Fresno day. I had just gone through the drive through of the closest Carl's Junior to Squidy's house. Him and I proceeded to drive out of the shopping complex that Carl's was located in to go to his house. I pull out into the street and All of a sudden like there was no yesterday I start hearing this sound coming from my 86 Sport! Immediately I think, "Oh no I think I just broke my car's last spleen."pull off to the side of the road and look for the sound. It sounded like metal on plastic. or some similar sound. But I couldn't find it.
I drove to Squidy's house (less than a mile)...
...and looked some more. Jacked the car up. took the wheel off. STILL NO PROBLEM. Ted told me to check this, Agent_D told me to check that, CYMFC3S asked what I got at carl's junior, but the problem still wasn't visible!!!
After a thorough inspection of the motor vehicle, I found few things pointing to any kind of problem. One of them was this:
We think that this was either a mark left by our culprit in this crime, or a cause of the problem.
We decide to push the car to see if I could tell more precisely what it was. I pushed it and now it sounded like it was coming from the left wheel instead of right! WHAT WAS GOING ON! Squidy looked at the wheel and saw something! METAL SHAVINGS!!!! What's going on!
I jack the car up on that side, Let me tell you a thing or two about the stock jack! lousy. very lousy. I'm surprized that they'd sell something of this poor quality to us people with superior kidneys and salivary glands. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS:
Not wanting the car to roll forward, I recalled my training that I went through in preparation for being mauled by a giant made of college ruled paper "step one: use rocks to do nothing with the paper monster"
I got the wheel off and looked to see what the problem was. I found that I was MISSING my top caliper bolt!! SOMEONE MUST BE TRYING TO KILL ME!!! (SHOCKED BEYOND DISBELIEF!!)
The metal shavings were there because the caliper had swiveled up and started digging into the wheel THIS SHOULD BE MURDER 1!:
Me, having no tools with me, and no bolt. Squidy's dad was kind enough to lend me his mad tyte phat ride y0:
I drove to Squidy's house (less than a mile)...
...and looked some more. Jacked the car up. took the wheel off. STILL NO PROBLEM. Ted told me to check this, Agent_D told me to check that, CYMFC3S asked what I got at carl's junior, but the problem still wasn't visible!!!
After a thorough inspection of the motor vehicle, I found few things pointing to any kind of problem. One of them was this:
We think that this was either a mark left by our culprit in this crime, or a cause of the problem.
We decide to push the car to see if I could tell more precisely what it was. I pushed it and now it sounded like it was coming from the left wheel instead of right! WHAT WAS GOING ON! Squidy looked at the wheel and saw something! METAL SHAVINGS!!!! What's going on!
I jack the car up on that side, Let me tell you a thing or two about the stock jack! lousy. very lousy. I'm surprized that they'd sell something of this poor quality to us people with superior kidneys and salivary glands. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS:
Not wanting the car to roll forward, I recalled my training that I went through in preparation for being mauled by a giant made of college ruled paper "step one: use rocks to do nothing with the paper monster"
I got the wheel off and looked to see what the problem was. I found that I was MISSING my top caliper bolt!! SOMEONE MUST BE TRYING TO KILL ME!!! (SHOCKED BEYOND DISBELIEF!!)
The metal shavings were there because the caliper had swiveled up and started digging into the wheel THIS SHOULD BE MURDER 1!:
Me, having no tools with me, and no bolt. Squidy's dad was kind enough to lend me his mad tyte phat ride y0:
06-25-02, 04:12 AM
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SPORKY
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Here I go...
I went to my house, got the bolt off the TII, as well as a new jack and some tools.
This time I used a high quality jack to lift the car up
and I put the new bolt in. CAN I SAY RATCHET?!
these are my hands after doing all that stuff. WOW THIS IS HARD WORK!
And after it was all said and done. When the show was over. when the lights went out. When papers are due, when trees fall down, when clocks stop ticking. when it was all over, this is all that was left in the spot where the car was when I overcame this daunting task.
A word for the attempted assassin out there, "Dood you can't mess with us. We're too smart for you. Nice try though... really... I mean it... NO... SHUT UP!... Stupid."
I do have a video of the victory lap around the block, if anyone wants to host it. I think its around 1mb.
I went to my house, got the bolt off the TII, as well as a new jack and some tools.
This time I used a high quality jack to lift the car up
and I put the new bolt in. CAN I SAY RATCHET?!
these are my hands after doing all that stuff. WOW THIS IS HARD WORK!
And after it was all said and done. When the show was over. when the lights went out. When papers are due, when trees fall down, when clocks stop ticking. when it was all over, this is all that was left in the spot where the car was when I overcame this daunting task.
A word for the attempted assassin out there, "Dood you can't mess with us. We're too smart for you. Nice try though... really... I mean it... NO... SHUT UP!... Stupid."
I do have a video of the victory lap around the block, if anyone wants to host it. I think its around 1mb.
06-25-02, 05:00 AM
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E-mail it to me, rat@sonicrat.org, I'll host anything 
Do you really think someone took the bolt off? Or do you think it rattled off?
Do you really think someone took the bolt off? Or do you think it rattled off?
06-25-02, 06:02 AM
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Indeed, I thought it was quite damn funny how he layed it out and explained it, however I believe it's nuts that it was missing! Especially if someone removed it!
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06-25-02, 02:13 PM
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SPORKY
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Originally posted by Aaron Cake
Hahaha! But seriously, the stock FC jacks are great. Just lube them up with a little grease so the aluminium doesn't gull...
Hahaha! But seriously, the stock FC jacks are great. Just lube them up with a little grease so the aluminium doesn't gull...
He must have been a very skilled person with a large array of tools. I always have my alarm on when I'm away from home. It has a shock sensor so he must have used a trained spy monkey to take the bolt out. Maybe while I was in the drive through for Carl's. hmmm.... Sometimes I don't turn my alarm on when I'm at home.... Maybe its one of the retired people that are out to get me... They give me the crazy eye. Sometimes you can't see it under their sun glasses that the eye doctor gives them after an eye dialation (they decide that they are fashionable and wear them year round), but you know they're doing it...
oh well. While you're waiting for sonicrat to post that video, I will give you another video, that is of someone else's victory lap. or something like a tree.
http://www.stupidvideos.com/Videos_3...oove_Kitty.asf
06-25-02, 02:36 PM
#12
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Location: AZ, and so I went to the store one day with my lobster of course and saw the love of my life. It was an orange. And it was blue. Blue like the dirt on the back of the apple. It was a blue apple. Blue with dirt. Dirt with blue.
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yeah, that was one freaky few seconds of my life. when the noise first started happening i thought it was like world war 10 or something so naturally i got really scared. but then i realized it was just the birdpoop (or so we thought, originally). but it turned out to be the one stupid little bolt. who'da thought that one bolt would cause bird poop to make so much noise?! lousy birds.
just wait till you see the video, it explains everything.
just wait till you see the video, it explains everything.
06-25-02, 04:09 PM
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Same deal happened on my bro's 94 integra. He'd just gotten a brake job done a week before, so he made the brake place pay for a new factory Acura rim. The structural integrity of the rim was comprimised dammit!! And it looked ugly too.
06-25-02, 05:28 PM
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Easy, I haven't recieved the video yet, are you sure you sent it out? If I don't get it up within 5-10 minutes try to send it to james@uplogon.com instead.
06-25-02, 05:49 PM
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Well thats nifty man. I think that someone might have tampered with my steering and thats the reason it came apart. All the ricers and old people around here would give me the evil eye when I went by. You could see it poping out even when they had on sunglasses. oooo scary. Now that the steering came apart and I wrecked, they smile when they drive by my house.... Until last weekend....MWUHAHAHAAAA!!! I got another rex!! MUHAHAHAAA!! I hope noone trys to kill me this time. Almost got me last time.
P.S. I like this post.
Charles
P.S. I like this post.
Charles
06-25-02, 09:54 PM
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Easy: damn, thats great... (sorry about your mishap involving bird $hit... but I love the presentation)
SonicRaT: It works, It works!
Everyone: You guys are the greatest source of amusement in existance... thank u for providing me a way to slack off even more at work
(oh, and my grades in school dropped thanks to your wonderful entertainment as well...)
SonicRaT: It works, It works!
Everyone: You guys are the greatest source of amusement in existance... thank u for providing me a way to slack off even more at work
(oh, and my grades in school dropped thanks to your wonderful entertainment as well...
)
07-11-02, 11:46 PM
#23
hey this was a funny story from a while back...but where did easy p-cheasy go???? maybe that sabotage(r) person finally trapped him.
Laters.
(i really am curious where p-cheasy went.)
Laters.
(i really am curious where p-cheasy went.)
07-12-02, 12:07 AM
#24
Yeah, that has happened to me. I hope you put a lock-washer in there. Except my wheel looks MUCH worse; my dad was driving my car back from storage while I was gone, and it happened on the highway halfway home. 
07-12-02, 12:18 AM
#25
Super Newbie
You left out the fact that you did the rear brakes a few weeks ago. 
Hey, Carl's Jr. bought out all the Hardee's down south and we get to eat those crappy burgers now.
Hey, Carl's Jr. bought out all the Hardee's down south and we get to eat those crappy burgers now.